my phone needs a breathalizer
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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