How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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