I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
