those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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