the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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