dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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