Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
