Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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