Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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