The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Randomize
