ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
