i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
