he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
