I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
