i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
