it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
