where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
