I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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