its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
