I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
