i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
