So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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