This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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