whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
