what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you win again, gameday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
