you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
