This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
