Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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