Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
