shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
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So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Who put my cat in the fridge?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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