you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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