"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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