ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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