Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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