I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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