You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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