you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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