I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
