he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
