as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
