Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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