thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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