I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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