...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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