I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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