I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
COCAINE IS GR8
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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