i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize