I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your penis caused this!
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