Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
