im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
