You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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