Betty ford says i'm here all night
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Randomize
