Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
