my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
