Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
