tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize