rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
