My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
