It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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