i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
