is your mom at the bar?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
