One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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