I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
