yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
