I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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