Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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