I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
