I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
