i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
