is wine microwaveable?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
