whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
