my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
