Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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