I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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