I'm lost and stupid without you.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
