apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
