i don't like sucking hair
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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