If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We got so high we made milksteak
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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