I can text with my tongue
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
