Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All the doctor said was why
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
