thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
