is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
