I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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