4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
