he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
