If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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