And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
